Stepping Up for a Friend-

The passing of a good man offers an opportunity for reflection

Dennis Gillen had lived in Merced since 2004.  He passed away in February 2022.  

When a friend passes, we remember the good times, the pearls of wisdom, and even the challenging moments.

Thinking back on the life of my friend Dennis, there were plenty of items in each category.  He passed at age eighty-three.

We played golf dozens of times during the years after I moved to Merced.  We had weekly coffee breaks for about ten years straight.  You get to know someone real well when you have coffee with him every week.

Golf connected me with Dennis and we would enjoy a round from time to time including this time as we played one of the final rounds at the former Stevinson Ranch course in Merced County.  Photo:  Newvine Personal Collection.

When I think of the good times, there were the golf outings.  We met on a golf course in 2006.  We played one of the final rounds ever at Stevinson Ranch before it closed in 2015. 

Taking a vacation day from work, we said farewell to Merced County’s finest golf course before the owners closed up shop and converted the property to agricultural land.  

It was at Stevinson where Dennis offered a suggestion to help with a chronic slice in my drives.  The advice amounted to simple foot placement.  It worked.

With regard to wisdom, Dennis offered life experiences.  He lost his mom tragically when he was just five years old.  His marriage that produced three children ended in divorce. 

He had more than his share of financial setbacks.  As I brought up issues I was dealing with at work, he would share lessons learned from customers during his forty-plus years in his working career.

All of this and more shared between friends whether on the golf course or at our weekly coffee breaks at a local cafe.

Dennis gave me this 2018 photo he had another golfer snap for him at an area golf course.  

The challenges in this friend-to-friend relationship came in the final years of his life.

As his health declined I became aware of just what friendship is all about.  

At this stage of our decade-and-a-half friendship, I realized I would be carrying more of the investment in time and energy to help my friend. 

When he couldn’t drive, I (and other friends) would help him get to church, to a store, or to his credit union. 

Our weekly coffee breaks continued at his home as I brought in the beverages and visited him for a couple of hours each week.  

Every time I talked to him, he’d end the conversation with the words “God bless.”  

 I’m grateful that in what became the final months of his life, Dennis never let me forget how much he appreciated our bond. 

Rarely did one of those weekly coffee breaks end without Dennis telling me how thankful he was that I was his best friend.

I needed to hear that. 

So when a friend passes, we do recall the good times.  We extract tidbits of conversation that stick with us forever.  And we make sense out of the challenging moments realizing that it is in these darker times when real friends are called upon to step up.

Steve Newvine lives in Merced. 

Two stories featuring his friend Dennis are included in his book Course Corrections, and one of those stories is reprinted at the Can-Do Californians Facebook page ((3) Can-Do Californians- Book by Steve Newvine | Facebook) .